Last year, 2009 was difficult. National Public Radio asked listeners to suggest one word to describe last year.
Their most popular word was: ugh. I agree. But I like the sound of twenty ten; it has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
Instead of making resolutions or setting goals, I decided I wanted to start out with a good attitude. I want to know
my own strengths better, and to build on the positive relationships in my life.
My husband and I have had a shared meditation practice since 2007 which involves a 30 minute sitting
meditation daily with 60 minutes on Sunday. I practice Mindfulness Meditation and he does Christian
Contemplation. This article is about a mindfulness meditation that I used to enhance my attitude about myself
and my marital relationship. If you are new to Mindfulness Meditation, you can watch Jon Kabat-Zinn explain
more about it on YouTube. To understand Christian Contemplation, read Richard Foster’s book, Celebration of
Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth.
The Meditation: After you have settled into your usual pattern of breathing and being in the present, meditate
on the strengths or positive characteristics that you received from your parents or other loving caregivers. I
received love and kindness from both my parents. From my father, I inherited thoughtfulness and integrity while
my mother passed on gentleness and nurturing.
Next, pick one of these traits as a focal point. Here I want to focus on just one of these traits, to feel that
quality as my own. I selected kindness. I focused on this word and noticed what I felt in my body. My heart felt
warmer and I observed less tension in my chest and shoulders. Of course, as is normal, I was plagued by
examples of when I was not kind. In the tradition of mindfulness meditation, I noticed the intrusive thoughts and
let them move past my awareness so I could return to reflecting on kindness emanating from my heart. Then I
pictured my spouse while maintaining a focus on that positive characteristic that I received from my parents,
kindness.
At this point, I invite you to ask yourself the following questions. If this characteristic were to be present in
your relationships towards your spouse, what would it look like? What would you be doing? How would you treat
your spouse? How would it feel?
Settle on one behavior or action. Picture yourself doing this action for your partner. See the details. Notice
how it feels to give this part of yourself to your partner. In my case, I see myself listening attentively to his views
when we have a disagreement. I’m usually quick to come to a decision and have little patience for further
discussion. He likes to talk things out more thoroughly. It is not uncommon that I become irritated with his
process. I am sure I don’t look like or act like a kind-hearted person at those times. My resolve is to practice
“wearing” kind heartedness on my sleeve more often. I’m sure I will be the happy recipient of his kindness in
return. If this is your partner, you are bound to receive many similar actions from them. Maybe not immediately,
but over the years, you’ll reap many rewards.
How to Use Mindfulness Meditation to Improve your Relationship
by Pam Lipe, MS, LP
|
My practice of marriage counseling, trauma, depression, and anxiety treatment serves the following communities:
Maplewood, Woodbury, North St. Paul, Saint Paul, Oakdale, Roseville, Stillwater, Hudson, Afton, Lakeville, and
other Eastern Suburbs of the Twin Cities, Minnesota and Western Wisconsin